yes, today i woke up super late, like 11 am late.

why?? why indeed.

it all started yesterday, when my basketball underclassmen told me to come to practice (in my ol' high school)

and i said, "hell no, i'd never played since the last game we lost in the Leagues. and that was probably what, a year ago?? and never touched a basketball ever since.. "

but she said, "aww c'mon, it'd just be like practice??"

long story short , me Mami n Chen went to practice as ( retired ; LOL )seniors yesterday, to help as a sparring mate for them. since they'll be entering a competition this Saturday or Sunday.

ok, so when i picked up the ball and dribbled a bit, it was fine.. maybe?
i guess that you can't up and suddenly forget these stuffs, kinda like riding a bike, once you can do it, you'll be able to do it for the rest of your life. yeah, maybe that's it, uhh physical memory?? or sth like that.

haha, so anyway, we practiced and ran and did lay ups, and shoots, and more and more more more running, (which i love)
from 4 pm till 7.40 pm. WOW
just.. WOW

my foot was all cramped and some joints were already clicking, not so much as to be sprained ( oh yea , i've learnt my lesson alrite ), and my shoulders were starting to hurt. so i called it quits. and i wasn't the only one, the other guys were wasted too.

as i was drinking, i told the guys, "this will hurt tomorrow."
and they said, "HELL yeah it will!"


last night i couldn't sleep till 4 am!! idk why, but i got stomach cramp?? or maybe my intestines haven't healed since the last couple of days that it was infected. idk =="

but yeah, today i woke up feeling totally..


like, i can't squat without saying "owowowowowoowowowoowwwww"
like, i can't stretch my arms without wincing
heck, i can't even move my torso without feeling any pain

i guess that's what you get when you suddenly do rigorous amount of running and sprinting, after a year of absence. O.O"

but was it worth it?


1st day in HK
yes after 4 years , we've finally come back to HK

and .. i don't think ain't nothin' has changed, sadly

people just keep bustin' around and bumpin' ta me and my fam like nobody cares! XD
and.. i can't say i'm fond of Cantonese. I mean, Chinese is okay, but Cantonese?? nuh-uh.

so after we checked in to the hotel, we decided to go around and y' know, shop for..stuff

coz every shop sells WINTER CLOTHES

hell no

oh oh, and this one store called. mauhauls(?) , so me and my sis went inside, and suddenly the sales girl came up and started speaking Cantonese like, really fast. me and my sis were lookin' at eachother while she continues to babble about what i suppose, a 10 percent discount(?). in my ears, it only sounded like, "koiloingtoengtoengpoingboingboing"

so, uh my sister , feeling guilty as she was, said, "sorry, we don't speak.. uh"

man was she pissed

so we just ran off


emo? heck NO
heh, maybe i've gone to be a lot more EMO these past months
i mean, i looked at all my previous, or rather, first couple of posts, and it was all..

man, when did i get all soggy and depressed

i guess when i'm not trying to look on the positives, things'd turn out for the worst
that's why

i've made a commitment
as for today, i'm going back to that person. period

and for that matter, i realized that a couple of my friends are drifting apart
and that's why, i'll take the initiative for everything

they may call me annoying, talkative or whatever
but i'm sooo gonna make things work. even if it takes a whole lotta tinkering my brains out
i don't care

and for some new friends i've yet to be close with,
i'm gonna .. do the same (lack of words XDD)
imma show em lotsa loooove <3

oh man, i think i'm drunk =="

aaaand one more thing,
i've noticed that my hair has grown.. sooo long (for me)
it's a bit further than my shoulders
and it tickles. A LOT

i wanna cut it so bad
but i know that i'll dissapoint lotsa peep by doing so

whew.. time flies so fast
in 2 days, Mami will go to melbourne , and the week after that Ardy will go, and a week after that, Jemmy will leave too's like, a triple sadness marathon *sigh*

well anyway, i've made a picture of us, and asked them if they'd want to make it into t shirts
and they really liked it
i should be happy, but truthfully, i don't
coz when i see it, it'd remind me of them, and how i miss them so much

i know i still have the other 7 here, but it's just not the same, y know? it was always the 12 of us, it always has
and now i feel like i've missed out on lots of things
regret always comes last i guess, and i kept thinking that i've taken time for granted
the times i'd not come with them, or hang out with them, and stuff *sigh*

but, as usual, i'd not show it to them, well, someone has to be cheerful in these kind of situations

anyway, this post will be dedicated to Mami, as she'll be leaving in 2 days
maybe I'll show her this post one day, or not haha

hmm let's see, i met Mami at Junior High, she was one of the many new kids in SBY. she's from borneo, and she really has this.. accent that really stood out. and we were in the same class, and after a few weeks, we'd become quite close. i'd grown fond of her, coz she's an interesting person. I mean, i've never met someone with a funny accent LOL
and on my b day i asked a couple of close guys and girls to stay at my villa, and after that we just clicked even more.

She was the one who convinced me to start playing basketball. and she was a great captain. whenever we were down and in the verge of giving up while in the game, she'd always go to the back and shouted, "keep on fire, cmon babyyy!!"
and we'd smile and it'd lit our spirits again.
She never blamed us or me, if i'd done any mistakes, or missed shots, she'd just say,"that's okay, next time baby!!"
Undoubtedly , THE best captain ever.

And she always have our back. even if i was wrong, she'd still back me up no matter what.
hahah, i remember when Eric and I broke up, and got back together again, she was like
"where' s Eric? imma go and give him a piece of my mind"
turns out that she told Eric, if he ever hurt me, she'd ... lol

But yeah, we've fought. but nothing too bad, just difference in opinion, since a couple of us are hard-headed == and when she got together with Hans, she drifted apart a bit, just like anyone would, but nothing too much either.

bottom line is.. i really treasure her, we all do.
and yes, we'll definitely miss her sooo much..
but then again. we still have facebook, right? xD think positively~ it's the least i could do right now.

today is my sister's 16th birthday! hahah
somehow, i can't get into the mood of feeling happy right now, coz i feel like crap

i'm writing mainly because i want to keep this post, and read it later when i'm over this

yeah , so today at class we had to bring 1600 nails, 2 inches, and we have to stuck them onto a very thick stereofoam and infraboard
and if that wasn't crap enough, we had to do it with our bare hands, since the prof forgot to tell us to bring hammers, coz we all thought we were just gonna glue stuff together, like usual

so, the class should've ended at 12.30, but instead, it gone off until 4, and the teacher told us to finish it at home. my hands and fingers are all bruised and smelled like metal , +, my nails weren't enough. So i had to go home, and get some more with the exactly same size.
And all the shops should be closed, since it's Idul Adha? right.

To make it short, I didn't know any place that'd sell those stuff, since I bought the nails from my friend. And i had to go to her house, which was pretty far away, and i haven't been there, and i didn't know many roads in spite of living here for the past 18 years.

So i called my driver, and he, was the reason of all this. He was really rude when i called him. I asked him if he'd get the nails from my friend's house, but he snapped, "i'm with your grandfather right now, plus, the shops are all closed! Go ask someone else! Ask the maids at home!"
I'm like, "wtf." and hung up the phone

I was VERY pissed off and started to .. i dunno, and i called Lia, she knew I was very pissed of right away, and she helped me by calling the friend who sells nails and stuffs, but she couldn't calm me down, so i just sat down and played the piano for a while. it calmed me a bit. But then, my mum and dad came home.

I told them about it and my mum said that she'd take me to her house. So i got into the car with her , just the 2 of us.

What a mistake that was.

Though I've sworn to myself that i'd never, EVER go alone someplace with my mum if i'm in a bad mood. Now i remember. This is why.

All the way to her house, all she did, was preach to me about stuff I've heard like, a million times before.
"you're so irresponsible" "you should be more independent" "you can't rely on people all the time" "you're already a grown up so act like one"
those are her favourite lines which she repetitively said

I'm just sitting there, trying to count to 100 or sth, but just couldn't stop this anger. so i said to her, or kinda snapped actually, "mom, you know i'm pissed off, just, stop. "

Oh would life be a million times easier if it was to end there

She said, "stop what??? you know, you should be able to remember the roads, you can't possibly rely on anyone to give you directions all the time, can you? you're already a college student, bla bla bla"

Oh God, have mercy on me PLEASE

She didn't stop. and i had to do something before i completely lost my mind. So i said, "you know what? okay, i'll try"

DId she stop? hell noooooooooo, of course not

She then rambled on and on until I can't take it anymore and i snapped really quickly, "MOM! I'm not that type of person who could just remember roads like the rest of you! I'm just not! I'm not that type, it's in my personality. It was described in the psychology tests, if you don't believe me, go to my uni and ask the teacher yourself!!"

And then we drove in silence after that.

It's always about that, it never was about anything else. My fight with my mum , would most likely be, about how i'm not trying too hard, or i'm not enough. I try to fulfill all of those things, but it was NEVER enough.

NOTHING is ever enough for them.

She told me:
- "suggested" me to stop taking guitar courses and focus on learning piano, which I did
- not to cut my hair , which i did
- take english courses, which I did for 10 years
- dress more femininely , which I did
- to be the class champ , which i did, though not every year
- to stop eating junk , now i barely eat anything
- to stop playing games , which I did
- to start worrying and tending to my skin , which i did
- to not cry, coz "mommy hates crybabies" , which i did
- and much much more

but those are the ones that I had sacrificed the most to do

And yet

My grades were never good enough
my hair was never long enough
i was never dressed feminine enough
my english was never good enough
my personality was never friendly enough
my skin was never smooth enough
my piano was never good enough
I was never cheerful enough
I was never caring enough to my sisters
I didn't have enough friends
I was never sociable enough
I was never active enough

in short, I AM never good enough.

Oh sorry, that came out wrong, lemme try that again.

I WAS never good enough.

I don't know, i'm feeling pretty bad right now.
It's really hard to try and be happy all the time. But really, this is definitely NOT the first time i've felt like this. I just decided to write it down just today, for the sake of it. Lots of times before I'd pretend and just sleep it off. but yeah..

Depends on how you see things
Okay I meant to post this yesterday coz it's so hillarious XDD ( uh, to me if not )
but I was really , too exhausted to do it hahah

Yesterday, was the independence day of Indonesia!! Viva indonesia! hahah
so we all got to go and do the ceremony, for about an hour, and then do lots of games~
I thought the games were actually quite fun, but it wasn't organized well, so we ended up just sitting down, on the concrete floor, doing nothing but talk, for 4 hours!! O>O"

Untilllllll... someone decided to throw flour at his friends.
oh yeah, indonesian independence games usually revolve around, eating freaky stuffs that was hanged with no hands, rope pulling ( idunnowhatthatisinenglish, basically two teams just pull eachother with a rope) , and games that uses FLOUR.

and i got to play Flour chess, it's like a human chess, but if a pawn gets eaten, they'd throw flour on the guy.
well, I didn't get any flour on my body at all, and was pretty happy, untillllll... DUSTIN!!!

me : (sitting down nicely and chatting with my friends)
Dustin : *runs* SPLOTCH (dumps a big sponge full of who knows what on my HEAD, most importantly my HAIRRRR!!!)

first i didn't really thought of running to him and get revenge, but then, idk, something just took over me, hahah

me : *grabs a pile of flour on the floor* heh heh hehh.. *creeps up to Dustin*
Dustin : WAAAAHHHHH *runs away*
me : HYAAHHHHHHHHH *trips over Dustin's legs and fell*

HAHAHAH, so much for revenge
but yeah, i did get lots of icky dirty flour on his face

and people just laughed, and i laughed harder XDD
but then i realized that my jeans were ripped O.O"
did i fell down too hard??? gahhhh, hahaha, yeah, i kinda skidded my knees for a good 5 seconds, to keep me from falling down
I didn't fall down flat on my face or anything, it's like, a uhh, pose for women push up ( two hands on the floor, two knees on the floor )
and know i have this icky bruise on my left knee, and a big wound on my right XDD

but yeah, so i uploaded the photo on FB, and wrote :

If you were me, what would you say/think:
a.) OMG!!! I busted my knees, ripped my jeans, was humiliated and Imma go home and get killed by my sisterrrrr!! O.O"
b.) It's a good thing I'm wearing jeans =.="

Sooo? which one?
do you see things half full? or half empty? x

ahhhh, how to put pictures here =.="
here's the link anw


and just in time before orientation week!
which is tomorrow =.=
well, tomorrow is just briefing and stuff
the real orientation week starts next week zzz

anyways, cheers!!
It's a bit rushed though, i'm kinda happy at the results xD

here's the link to it!

hmm.. it'd be great to be done to a fanfic too! ==
sadly i'm not a writer, it'll probably turn to crap hahahah

ay ay ay
1 week before orientation week , a.k.a HELL WEEK


the seniors will probably be nicer, since i know some of them ==
but yeah, orientation week will most definitely kick the ass outta me
oh yeah, btw, people abroad don't have orientation like us indonesians, they just have to go around the campus, see the classes and stuff ( says Melon, pssssh, i guess that's why she went to aussie HAHAH )

not us, definitely not


we do useless stuffs, bother about useless stuffs too!! 

i mean, c'mon!! why do we have to work our butts for these stuffs

okay, my assignments so far ( heck, the orientation week hasn't even started, yet .. )

1. make a rucksack out of a rice sack, there mustn't be any logos or pictures, 30x40cm, has to be able to carry 3 kilos of stuff, last 1 week, and we have to decorate it with ECO-friendly stuff

2. make 100 copies of your name card

3. make a uh, what's that.. umm, like from cardboard and write down your name and number, and has got to be worn and could be seen from 3 metres. oh, and tie them with YELLOW shoe laces

4. buy a raincoat

5. make a bottle, with the campus' logo on it, and your name

O yeah, this is gonna be FUN XDD

in unrelated news, yesterday was DB's 5th birthday!
and even longer with the girls!!
happy birthday to us!!! well, since no one in DB owns an LJ account, i won't bother writing too much, coz it'll be too embarassing xDD

but, yeah, 5 years with them has been such a pleasure, not to mention pure craziness xDD
we're going to separate uni-s , it will be difficult to arrange when to hang out and stuff, but
i believe we will still be best friends, for as long as we live heheh

Love them with my life
<3 Alex Amelia Ardy Belinda Christopher Edward Fajar Jemmy Katherine Melani Melisa <3

ahh, it turned out for the best!!
I was able to see Melon off, coz my flight was not until 640, and hers were at 7

we all hugged like teletubies  and cried like crazy
not me though, pfffft XD
hahahah, okay, i cried just a bit
I DO love her very much y know~ xD

well anyway, after that, i just sat on the plane for.... 18 hours!!
yes people, 18 FRIGGIN HOURS!!

and what's worse, i can't get much sleep, coz someone's baby keeps crying
and he's sitting in front of me

he keeps crying , "aaaaa, neneeee" aaaa neneeee..." for, oooh i dunno... 100 billiion times?!?!?!
i wanted to shout to the parents, "JUST GIVE HIM THE FRIGGIN NENEEEE!!!!!"

gahh, anyways, this is just the start of the holiday
i hope it gets better*winces* XDD

Sad and Happy?
uhhh so today I'll be going abroad for 2 weeks
sigh.. I should be happy though
it IS a holiday

but today, my dear friend will also leave and go to Aussie, and she'll be going to school there T.T !!!
and i can't see her off in the airport
coz she leaves at 7, while my plane leaves at 4.. darn

well, yesterday we all went out till late, and watched football like crazy maniacs
i'm not into football actually, but i ended up screaming "NOOOOOOO, stupid!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
stuff like that
i guess it's when you watch with lots of other people, that you can enjoy football more xDD

after that i drove her to her house, and while driving i couldn't help but think that this will be the last time i'll see her,
well, not until December at least
she promised to come home every December =.="
but it's Aussie right?? and we can chat on MSN, facebook yadayada
but it's still won't be the same T T...

Ooooooo, I'll miss you Melon!! we all will

funny thing is, she warned us not to go and see her off, coz she's afraid that she'll cry
but do we care? NOOOOO
we'll see her off anyway, heck, the guys will be at the airport from 4.30, mwahahahah

and I couldn't be there..



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